


I Haven't Slept In Ages

by FlossiBelle



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 03:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17758730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlossiBelle/pseuds/FlossiBelle
Summary: Written for someone on Tumblr with the prompt "I haven't slept in ages".





	I Haven't Slept In Ages

The lights in New York have always looked beautiful at night. Bucky used to love looking out at the skyline back in the day, the glow of the city accompanied by memories of the warm nights and laughter of his youth. Right now, though, sitting on the railing of one of the tower’s balconies all alone, Bucky thinks those memories are unreachable.

So much has happened in the past months. Bucky went from cryo, to a quiet life as a farmer, getting called to fight against a genocidal monster, dying, and coming back again in some twist of fate. Not like he’s surprised, he's technically died twice now and ended up back in the world of the living both times. In moments of weakness, Bucky tells himself that’s because not even death wants him.

_Come on, man. It's not like no one wants you. You have your team!_

“You mean the team that's still scared of me, and is only letting me stay because I'd have nowhere else to go otherwise?”

_… You have Steve._

Steve. The one thing in this crazy existence that's constant. Sure, he's changed, going from the little guy who, despite getting into one too many fights and getting sick more times than he should have been able to handle, still stole his heart, to the strong, capable soldier who has held his heart in a vice grip for so many long years. Yeah. Steve. Bucky wishes he could say he still had Steve.

Truth be told, Bucky feels as if Steve left and some doppelganger has taken his place. He doesn't laugh as loud, doesn't smile as big. Doesn't look at Bucky as much as he used to. It's almost like Steve's slowly draining away, soon to be nothing but the shadow of what Bucky let get away.

So, here Bucky sits, drinking vodka straight out of the bottle at fuck all in the morning instead of sleeping safe and sound with the love of his life. He can't say he's enjoying it.

_Come on, Buck. Go back to sleep. Steve's still there, despite the fact that you think otherwise._

“If I'm being honest, I'd rather pour this vodka in my eyes and jump off the roof, than be reminded that soon I won't have Steve there at all.”

“Now, who said that?”

Bucky jumped up at that, not having noticed that Steve had joined him on the terrace until he spoke. The blond man was ruffled from sleep, bleary-eyed and yawning.

_See? Still here, and completely adorable._

“Shut the fuck up”, Bucky mumbled, to which Steve shot him a confused look.

“It's nothing. Why are you up? It's far too early.”

“Why are you sitting on the roof drinking vodka? I'd say it's far too early for that too, Buck.”

“I asked you first.”

“Hmph. Well, I was sleeping soundly, when I realized that I was no longer holding my boyfriend, but instead a Captain America body pillow. Seriously, where did you even get one of those?”

“Well I could send you the link, or-”

“You know what?”, Steve interrupted, “I don't think I wanna know.”

Bucky shook his head, silently agreeing.

“So, back to my first question. What are you doing out here so early?”

“...Isn't this what I always do?”

Steve didn't like that answer.

“Only when you're upset or avoiding something. So which one is it?”

“Why do you care?”

Again with the confused look.

“Why do I care? Because you're my boyfriend and I love you? Because it's not healthy to drink an entire bottle of vodka in one sitting? Because I panicked when I realized you weren't there anymore, and thought you were still lost with the other half of the population? All of those reasons.”

Bucky sat back down on the railing, his back to Steve. After a few moments, he felt Steve settle in beside him.

“Bucky, you can tell me what's wrong. I know there's a lot going on right now, and I know I've been busy, but you are still just as important.”

“Am I, Steve? Tell me, when was the last time we had any time alone together? When was the last time we had a straight up conversation? Steve, before you said it a few minutes ago, how long had it been since we said 'I love you'?”

A sigh.

“James, look at me.”

Bucky turned, unsure if he was ready for whatever was about to be said.

“When you were gone, I was a disaster. The only thing I was able to do was work on getting you back. If our plan hadn't of worked… I'm not sure if I'd still be here. Now, everyone's back, and it's hard for me to believe. There's so much going on right now, and I know we haven't seen much of each other lately, but you should never doubt your importance to me, alright? I love you, have for as long as I can remember. That's never going to change. Til the end of the line, Buck. Forever.”

Bucky looked away, blinking a few tears away. He set down the bottle, and slid off the railing onto the balcony.

“Well, then let's go back to bed. I haven't slept in ages.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading my first fic! Kudos and comment if ya want!


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